Grief and Loss
A sense of loss or grief may be experienced after: the death of a loved one; throughout the deterioration of health through a long term condition; the end of a relationship; losing a job or entering retirement; experiencing miscarriage or abortion. The loss may be either anticipated or sudden.
Stages of grief may include the following: denial; anger; bargaining; depression; acceptance. It is important to remember, however, that people experience grief as a rollercoaster, not a neat progression through set stages.
Grief and loss are natural processes which can be incredibly difficult for people to move through. Adjusting to a change in identity or role means people experience some very intense emotions.
However, emotional symptoms such as depression, numbness, anger, guilt and sadness may also be accompanied with physical problems which may include headaches, sleep problems, low energy or self destructive activities. Some people have a sense of spiritual turmoil which makes them re-evaluate their beliefs.
People may have to deal with legal or financial arrangements as well as take into consideration the feelings of other loved ones which may compound the initial sense of loss or grief.
Experiencing all of this at the same time can be extremely overwhelming and people may struggle to know how best to cope. Everybody copes in different ways, and it is often very helpful to have time to experience the various feelings and some support in the expression of those feelings. This can be found through loved ones, and also through organisations.
Self Help Strategies
Take time out
If possible, identify which activities are essential and which you can have a break from, in order to keep on top of things as much as you can whilst being kind to yourself
Avoid making big decisions
The intensity of the feelings of loss and grief can cloud people's judgement; therefore it may not be the best time for you to change jobs or move house, for example. However, some decisions at this time may be unavoidable, in which case, try to ask someone who you trust to help you.
Talk
Many people find themselves in a position where they cannot explain their feelings immediately after a loss. This is natural, but at some point, it is often the case that people want to get things off their chest after a period of withdrawal. Speaking to friends and family may be useful, and you may also wish to discuss your feelings with a therapist or other professional. Some people struggle to verbalise their feelings and may wish to express themselves in other ways, such as writing, artwork or physical activities.
Honour the memory
Some people find making a scrapbook of memories really helpful to both celebrate the positives and commemorate the end of that chapter of their life. Some people wish to make dedications or donations in memory of a lost loved one.
Look after your physical health
Try to eat healthily, even if you eat a lot less than usual. Exercise can be helpful in lifting your spirits and helping you sleep. If you are struggling to sleep properly, try to rest when you can to maintain energy levels as much as possible. Some people want to sleep a lot more, in which case it is often helpful to attempt to try and get up during the daytime to avoid the cycle of inactivity and depression.
Avoid destructive behaviours
Attempting to numb your feelings can be very tempting, or you may begin to use alcohol or other things to help you relax or express yourself. Be aware of any changes in your use of alcohol, drugs or other ways of coping so that you don't mask and/or prolong your problems of loss and grief with other issues.
Take a break
Try not to feel guilty about taking time out to do things you enjoy. Having a break from your bad feelings can help you to move through them and also provide you with a fresh perspective on your difficult situation.
Plan ahead
Anniversaries and special events can be very difficult, especially in the first year or two. It may be helpful to think about how they may affect you and how you would like to deal with any emotional distress or mark special occasions.
Reach out
It is not uncommon for people around you to feel unsure of how to support you in your difficult time. Often, if you explain what your needs are, people will do their best to accommodate. Maintaining contact with people you love can provide you with support and remind you of the pleasure in your life.